Posts
Saturday, July 18, 2009
World peace facebook group discussion: "imperfect humans" thread
I just spent ages responding to questions posed by a guy called Peter Fodor on the Facebook group "world peace" and have decided to share the post (post 71) here. Peter's question was: "how can world peace be achieved on a planet with imperfect humans?"His postings revealled a very detailed knowledge of global human crisis, Government failures, and a pretty fixed view of the hopelessness of the situation. The way he was expressing this view was causing a bit of a ruckus...
I said: "Peter, I think the question you have posed taps into some very big territory. It is wonderful to have a place to explore it.
I enjoyed hearing your conversation with Mark but must admit I was relieved when Ann chipped in and challenged you. We all have choices and though you think of yourself as an optimist your consistent expression has been the opposite, and for a peace forum, I found that disturbing. It is my view that if we wish to experience or create greater peace we focus on peace not its opposite. (That does not mean denying the current reality, where opportunities for positive action definitely exist).
I was also struck by the fact that so much of your "argument" against peace relates to "evidence" provided by the external world. One of my favourite quotes is "there will not be peace on Earth till there is peace in the hearts of every man, woman and child".
To me this says that each of us are responsible for our own peacefulness and contributing to the peacefulness of others... pointing a finger at governments etc is a way of giving our power away (waiting for "someone else" to fix it), and - can I offer this as a question? - possibly shirking our responsibilities? (What are we doing in our day-to-day lives to create a culture of peace (that may eventually create permanent change)? Or to give and share peacefulness with those we meet every day?).
Peace is not an intanguible that exists (or does not exist) "out there". I believe it is something that starts within and can be created and shared with others. Granted, what we are seeing around us right now is the creative expression of many people who are not peaceful. But as WE change, hopefully what we create will also change...?
Continuing to read, it was with relief I came across your reference to Rinpoche. I hope you are continuing to seek out Buddhist texts and information about other peaceful philosophies. I think it is always a good thing to be exposed to new viewpoints and possibilities for seeing things in new ways and that may be a very interesting path - for you and for us all!
...If we have never been exposed to alternative ways of being and given examples of different ways to react or interact how can we expect change to occur around us?
It is for this reason I believe that learning and education is so fundamental, especially in countries where an extreme lack of peacefulness exists. And also why demonstrations of generosity and compassion are so important.
Thank you for starting this conversation, Peter. I wish you (and those who read this) joy and ever greater peacefulness."
IF YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS INTERESTING YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE TO READ:
Finding joy in each day
Volunteering in Africa - Kiandu School
I said: "Peter, I think the question you have posed taps into some very big territory. It is wonderful to have a place to explore it.
I enjoyed hearing your conversation with Mark but must admit I was relieved when Ann chipped in and challenged you. We all have choices and though you think of yourself as an optimist your consistent expression has been the opposite, and for a peace forum, I found that disturbing. It is my view that if we wish to experience or create greater peace we focus on peace not its opposite. (That does not mean denying the current reality, where opportunities for positive action definitely exist).
I was also struck by the fact that so much of your "argument" against peace relates to "evidence" provided by the external world. One of my favourite quotes is "there will not be peace on Earth till there is peace in the hearts of every man, woman and child".
To me this says that each of us are responsible for our own peacefulness and contributing to the peacefulness of others... pointing a finger at governments etc is a way of giving our power away (waiting for "someone else" to fix it), and - can I offer this as a question? - possibly shirking our responsibilities? (What are we doing in our day-to-day lives to create a culture of peace (that may eventually create permanent change)? Or to give and share peacefulness with those we meet every day?).
Peace is not an intanguible that exists (or does not exist) "out there". I believe it is something that starts within and can be created and shared with others. Granted, what we are seeing around us right now is the creative expression of many people who are not peaceful. But as WE change, hopefully what we create will also change...?
Continuing to read, it was with relief I came across your reference to Rinpoche. I hope you are continuing to seek out Buddhist texts and information about other peaceful philosophies. I think it is always a good thing to be exposed to new viewpoints and possibilities for seeing things in new ways and that may be a very interesting path - for you and for us all!
...If we have never been exposed to alternative ways of being and given examples of different ways to react or interact how can we expect change to occur around us?
It is for this reason I believe that learning and education is so fundamental, especially in countries where an extreme lack of peacefulness exists. And also why demonstrations of generosity and compassion are so important.
Thank you for starting this conversation, Peter. I wish you (and those who read this) joy and ever greater peacefulness."
IF YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS INTERESTING YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE TO READ:
Finding joy in each day
Volunteering in Africa - Kiandu School
Friday, July 17, 2009
Crazy happy silly - playful ways to make yourself instantly happier
I loved the opening lines of the editorial for Frankie (issue No. 24) by editor Jo Walker: "Sometimes tiny changes can have a big impact. When I was younger my friends and I had a game where we'd all get in the car and drive around wearing swimming caps - those floral ones that nannas wear, with the plastic daisies and bumpy bits. It was the exact same thing we did every day, except with did it in silly hats. It was hilarious."
Having a well-developed sense of the silly can really brighten up your day. All kinds of other things may be happening in your life that - in that moment - you may have a limited ability to resolve... but with a simple, funny, silly, playful indulgance, for second or two you can have some relief: a quick giggle.
For some people, the silly hat might do it, dyeing your tea blue might do it, wearing a tattoo transfer to your next family gathering might do it, or tagging your wife with a texta while she watches TV might do it... whatever! Believe it or not, no matter how grown up and serious we get, we all still have an innate sense of the ridiculous. When we allow ourselves to be a little bit playful a whole new aspect of our day can open up...
Back soon... just going to do a couple of quick chicken walks round the yard...
IF YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS INTERESTING YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE TO READ:
Moonlight shenanigans
Finding joy in each day
Allowing yourself to feel good
Having a well-developed sense of the silly can really brighten up your day. All kinds of other things may be happening in your life that - in that moment - you may have a limited ability to resolve... but with a simple, funny, silly, playful indulgance, for second or two you can have some relief: a quick giggle.
For some people, the silly hat might do it, dyeing your tea blue might do it, wearing a tattoo transfer to your next family gathering might do it, or tagging your wife with a texta while she watches TV might do it... whatever! Believe it or not, no matter how grown up and serious we get, we all still have an innate sense of the ridiculous. When we allow ourselves to be a little bit playful a whole new aspect of our day can open up...
Back soon... just going to do a couple of quick chicken walks round the yard...
IF YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS INTERESTING YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE TO READ:
Moonlight shenanigans
Finding joy in each day
Allowing yourself to feel good
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Time and peace: gifts money can't buy
It took me 28 minutes this morning to find out that my date of death is either 28 November 2058 (findyourfate.com) or 28 November 2074 (deathclock.com). Curious both gave me the same day but different years. Being a fairly logical person I worked out what the average was (95 years) and have contented myself with that... but what if it is only 87 years, as foretold by findyourfate? What if I really only have 18,047 days, 4 hours and 36 minutes to go... I mean 35, 34, 33... gosh by now it must be just 18,047 days, 4 hours and 30 minutes to go!!! Heck! What am I doing! The days of my life are just ticking away!!!
That is, of course, what the makers of those death calculators want you to think: "time is precious; what am I doing with the time given to me?" They also want to sell you vitamin supplements and change jobs and make some kind of general attempt to change your lot in life by buying one of their sponsors' products. And that's okay 'cause the calculators are kind of fun.
Did you know that the average life expectancy in the West is 84 for women and 78 for men? In America the life expectancy is 81 (women) and 75 (men). How many weekends do you have left?
We spend so much time working, sleeping, eating, grooming, shopping, caring for the family, letting off steam with our friends... how much time is left after "the basics" are taken care of? If you enjoy the work you do then it's not lost time... but so many people don't.
It is my firm belief that a mastery of time is key to personal peace and satisfaction. If you feel good about how you spend your time - and are consiously choosing where - chances are that when you get to the end of the road you'll be content with your life - and will probably have made a huge contributon to the world in some way.
I know some very successful business people and all of them guard their time as if it was a suitcase full of gemstones. For them, time is their most precious asset; without time they have nothing - no opportunity to create their vision, nor experience the benefits of health or wealth. (I suspect that this respect for time has contributed in a very large way to their successes.)
Perhaps if we all thought a little longer about how we spend our time we'd be more content and find ourselves in a more peaceful, happier world. And I do mean "spend" - no matter who you are or how much you have at your disposal, your time is one thing money can't buy back.
In the next 24 hours you have 1440 minutes to spend... how will you do it? Who on? Where? Why? Ah, the big questions...
(The 35 minutes it took me to write that was my gift to YOU! With love)
Tweet
IF YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS INTERESTING YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE TO READ:
"I hate my job"
Finding joy in each day
.
That is, of course, what the makers of those death calculators want you to think: "time is precious; what am I doing with the time given to me?" They also want to sell you vitamin supplements and change jobs and make some kind of general attempt to change your lot in life by buying one of their sponsors' products. And that's okay 'cause the calculators are kind of fun.
Did you know that the average life expectancy in the West is 84 for women and 78 for men? In America the life expectancy is 81 (women) and 75 (men). How many weekends do you have left?
We spend so much time working, sleeping, eating, grooming, shopping, caring for the family, letting off steam with our friends... how much time is left after "the basics" are taken care of? If you enjoy the work you do then it's not lost time... but so many people don't.
It is my firm belief that a mastery of time is key to personal peace and satisfaction. If you feel good about how you spend your time - and are consiously choosing where - chances are that when you get to the end of the road you'll be content with your life - and will probably have made a huge contributon to the world in some way.
I know some very successful business people and all of them guard their time as if it was a suitcase full of gemstones. For them, time is their most precious asset; without time they have nothing - no opportunity to create their vision, nor experience the benefits of health or wealth. (I suspect that this respect for time has contributed in a very large way to their successes.)
Perhaps if we all thought a little longer about how we spend our time we'd be more content and find ourselves in a more peaceful, happier world. And I do mean "spend" - no matter who you are or how much you have at your disposal, your time is one thing money can't buy back.
In the next 24 hours you have 1440 minutes to spend... how will you do it? Who on? Where? Why? Ah, the big questions...
(The 35 minutes it took me to write that was my gift to YOU! With love)
Tweet
IF YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS INTERESTING YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE TO READ:
"I hate my job"
Finding joy in each day
.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Quote - Anthony Robbins: moments of decision
"It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped"- Tony Robbins. You may think you are making decisions all the time - and you are - but not the big ones. Look back over the last five to 10 years. Can you make a list of the signifcant decisions that you have made? What was the impact? How did your life change as a result? What did you learn? You'll probably be amazed to discover how dramatically things shifted from before to after. Hopefully for the better!
Right now, though, are you making decisions? Is there some decision you are putting off? Do you have some inner yearning that you keep putting on hold?
Only when we take decisive action and open ourselves up to randomness (also known as "taking a leap of faith"!) can miracles unfold... Perhaps, in the queue for miracles, you're up next! But if you don't show up to collect it, then how will you know?
Tweet
IF YOU LIKED THIS POST YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE:
Quote - Alex Noble - spirit of the journey
The pursuit of happiness - good books about happiness
Allowing yourself to feel good
.
Right now, though, are you making decisions? Is there some decision you are putting off? Do you have some inner yearning that you keep putting on hold?
Only when we take decisive action and open ourselves up to randomness (also known as "taking a leap of faith"!) can miracles unfold... Perhaps, in the queue for miracles, you're up next! But if you don't show up to collect it, then how will you know?
Tweet
IF YOU LIKED THIS POST YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE:
Quote - Alex Noble - spirit of the journey
The pursuit of happiness - good books about happiness
Allowing yourself to feel good
.
Three single girls in a bar
Attractive, interesting, hard-working single women invest a lot of time wondering why they haven't been snapped up by a decent guy. Is it a "man drought"? I don't think so. One Friday night a few weeks ago I was out with some friends. The room was full, guys and girls out and about seeking connection. The conversation turned to men and the desires of my girlfriends to find a partner.
I was listening with one part of my brain and observing with the other. They were animated, passionate, sincere. One girl was dating a guy who was completely inappropriate: "Oh, no way! He's not for me." She told us a few things about him and we were outraged: "But that's not respectful! You deserve to be treated better than that!". Yet she sees him maybe five nights a week... We suggested she wasn't leaving space in her life to meet someone who was "for her".
"I know," she said, "But it kind of suits me for now. I'm going to break up with him after he gets back from his holiday at the end of the month."
Someone else chipped in with her story. Upset, mis-match, disappointment... etc etc yadda yadda blah blah blah. Let's face it - if it was true love they'd have been living happily ever after right?
Just near us at the other end of the table, a group of neatly dressed, talkative and seemingly friendly guys were sitting. They kept looking our way. The girls were oblivious. They had formed a huddle around the table.
"Those guys keep looking our way. Should we open up the circle so they can join in?" I suggested. A couple of friends of friends had arrived. There were now six girls sitting together.
"Those guys?" said one friend, Sally. "None of them are my type."
Oh.
But then, neither is the guy she is dating. (And what if one of them WAS the type of one of her friends?)
Suddenly, things became very clear to me.
Firstly, more women are born than men. Men are more likely to die between the ages of 19 and 34 than women due to misadventure. Men are very clear about many of their desires - for example, they like sex and work out very early on that the best way to get it regularly is to have a girlfriend or partner (even if she is not their perfect match).
At the same time, a whole generation of women have been educated, created careers, and entered the workforce with fewer barriers - in work and life - than their mothers before them. They work hard and often long hours. They get home tired. Their needs and expectations have changed but they retain a romantic view of love. Hurt once or twice they shut down, close themselves off. The no longer seek to lock eyes with someone across a crowded room. Instead, they wait in the corner of a bar with their backs turned huddled together waiting for some shining knight to walk up, tap them on the shoulder and say "I could tell from the way your hair hangs down your back that you and I were made for each other - can I give you my number and take you out for coffee sometime?"
Not going to happen.
I felt sorry for the guys we were sitting near. Okay, so they were loud and maybe not our type but they were having a good time, and clearly a couple of them in particular were keen to meet someone. Why else did they keep looking our way, making friendly gestures?
The girls were clear that they wanted a partner. Step 2, as I saw it that night, was to open up enough to allow some kind of connection - even a superficial laugh in a crowded bar with a random stranger who is "not your type". With practice, who knows, maybe eventually they'll discover a genuine and lasting connection or fabulous friendship.
IF YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS INTERESTING YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE TO READ:
Dinner with friends
Allowing yourself to feel good
Finding joy in each day
I was listening with one part of my brain and observing with the other. They were animated, passionate, sincere. One girl was dating a guy who was completely inappropriate: "Oh, no way! He's not for me." She told us a few things about him and we were outraged: "But that's not respectful! You deserve to be treated better than that!". Yet she sees him maybe five nights a week... We suggested she wasn't leaving space in her life to meet someone who was "for her".
"I know," she said, "But it kind of suits me for now. I'm going to break up with him after he gets back from his holiday at the end of the month."
Someone else chipped in with her story. Upset, mis-match, disappointment... etc etc yadda yadda blah blah blah. Let's face it - if it was true love they'd have been living happily ever after right?
Just near us at the other end of the table, a group of neatly dressed, talkative and seemingly friendly guys were sitting. They kept looking our way. The girls were oblivious. They had formed a huddle around the table.
"Those guys keep looking our way. Should we open up the circle so they can join in?" I suggested. A couple of friends of friends had arrived. There were now six girls sitting together.
"Those guys?" said one friend, Sally. "None of them are my type."
Oh.
But then, neither is the guy she is dating. (And what if one of them WAS the type of one of her friends?)
Suddenly, things became very clear to me.
Firstly, more women are born than men. Men are more likely to die between the ages of 19 and 34 than women due to misadventure. Men are very clear about many of their desires - for example, they like sex and work out very early on that the best way to get it regularly is to have a girlfriend or partner (even if she is not their perfect match).
At the same time, a whole generation of women have been educated, created careers, and entered the workforce with fewer barriers - in work and life - than their mothers before them. They work hard and often long hours. They get home tired. Their needs and expectations have changed but they retain a romantic view of love. Hurt once or twice they shut down, close themselves off. The no longer seek to lock eyes with someone across a crowded room. Instead, they wait in the corner of a bar with their backs turned huddled together waiting for some shining knight to walk up, tap them on the shoulder and say "I could tell from the way your hair hangs down your back that you and I were made for each other - can I give you my number and take you out for coffee sometime?"
Not going to happen.
I felt sorry for the guys we were sitting near. Okay, so they were loud and maybe not our type but they were having a good time, and clearly a couple of them in particular were keen to meet someone. Why else did they keep looking our way, making friendly gestures?
The girls were clear that they wanted a partner. Step 2, as I saw it that night, was to open up enough to allow some kind of connection - even a superficial laugh in a crowded bar with a random stranger who is "not your type". With practice, who knows, maybe eventually they'll discover a genuine and lasting connection or fabulous friendship.
IF YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS INTERESTING YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE TO READ:
Dinner with friends
Allowing yourself to feel good
Finding joy in each day
Friday, June 5, 2009
"I hate my job", he said.
A friend of mine is so unhappy with his job he thinks death is a better option, but he feels obligated to stick it out - he has car payments to make, debts to pay, responsibilities. I was speaking with him the other day and I found the conversation very alarming. Even his doctor had suggested he seek additional help - medication, counselling or similar. "Is Prozac the answer to everything?" my friend asked.
Okay, so he doesn't want to turn to drugs, and he knows that by not making one of two choices right now he is putting his life at risk: quit the job or take the drugs. To an outsider the answer may be obvious - get a new job - but I really felt for him: sometimes when we are "in it" we either can't see the solution or can't find the motivation to act on what we know we "should" do.
As we spoke - and a short conversation turned into a very long one - it became clear to me that as trapped as he felt by his job, he also felt trapped by his life. He was living in a world of expectations - and, in his view, not living up to those expectations. Not only did he have a very heavy workload in a nasty environment for not enough money, he was comparing himself to his friends and family and - in his own eyes - falling way short of the mark.
I asked him if perhaps he could sell the car, given the car payments were a major burden that kind of perpetuated his need to stay in an unpleasent, unrewarding job. "Oh no no no! I can't sell the car!" he said. To me this seemed illogical - keep the car but kill himself? A very extreme case of not being able to see the wood for the trees... Because let's not get confused about this: depression can be fatal. Just like a heart attack. It is not to be taken lightly.
So here I was, in the middle of a very intense conversation with someone I care about trying to help him towards some kind of "light-bulb" moment. I came to understand that his beautiful car was actually the only thing that gave him any self-esteem. Lose the job, lose the car; but lose the car and lose his primary source of wellbeing. Which was a kind of death anyway.
Tricky.
I'm not sure if he had a light bulb moment but I did: I realised that when we narrow our vision and seek our joy (or find hope) in just one or two things or people or situations we make ourselves vulnerable to despair. When other things stop going well (or our expectations are not met) we feel trapped... and we are, kind of, because we have backed ourselves into a corner... we have created a situation where perhaps that one source of joy (no matter how amazing) is not enough to balance out some of the really yucky other stuff.
And yet, can you see the flip side? We may NOT have created the situation at work, in our marriage, family or community but we DID create the situation that narrowed our opportunities for joy, and because we were a creator in one way, we also have a possibility for creating something new if what we created before is no longer sustaining us.
My friend is still struggling - a very close friend of his died tragically recently (yet another blow) - but my friend has a new hobby. He is playing in a band, just mucking around on weekends in someone's garage mostly. He loves it, and he's quite good. Slowly, he is building up his repotoire for joy.
IF YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS INTERESTING YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE TO READ:
Making yourself instantly happier - good books about happiness
Practicing gratitude
Three single girls in a bar
Quote - Anthony Robbins - moments of decision
Okay, so he doesn't want to turn to drugs, and he knows that by not making one of two choices right now he is putting his life at risk: quit the job or take the drugs. To an outsider the answer may be obvious - get a new job - but I really felt for him: sometimes when we are "in it" we either can't see the solution or can't find the motivation to act on what we know we "should" do.
As we spoke - and a short conversation turned into a very long one - it became clear to me that as trapped as he felt by his job, he also felt trapped by his life. He was living in a world of expectations - and, in his view, not living up to those expectations. Not only did he have a very heavy workload in a nasty environment for not enough money, he was comparing himself to his friends and family and - in his own eyes - falling way short of the mark.
I asked him if perhaps he could sell the car, given the car payments were a major burden that kind of perpetuated his need to stay in an unpleasent, unrewarding job. "Oh no no no! I can't sell the car!" he said. To me this seemed illogical - keep the car but kill himself? A very extreme case of not being able to see the wood for the trees... Because let's not get confused about this: depression can be fatal. Just like a heart attack. It is not to be taken lightly.
So here I was, in the middle of a very intense conversation with someone I care about trying to help him towards some kind of "light-bulb" moment. I came to understand that his beautiful car was actually the only thing that gave him any self-esteem. Lose the job, lose the car; but lose the car and lose his primary source of wellbeing. Which was a kind of death anyway.
Tricky.
I'm not sure if he had a light bulb moment but I did: I realised that when we narrow our vision and seek our joy (or find hope) in just one or two things or people or situations we make ourselves vulnerable to despair. When other things stop going well (or our expectations are not met) we feel trapped... and we are, kind of, because we have backed ourselves into a corner... we have created a situation where perhaps that one source of joy (no matter how amazing) is not enough to balance out some of the really yucky other stuff.
And yet, can you see the flip side? We may NOT have created the situation at work, in our marriage, family or community but we DID create the situation that narrowed our opportunities for joy, and because we were a creator in one way, we also have a possibility for creating something new if what we created before is no longer sustaining us.
My friend is still struggling - a very close friend of his died tragically recently (yet another blow) - but my friend has a new hobby. He is playing in a band, just mucking around on weekends in someone's garage mostly. He loves it, and he's quite good. Slowly, he is building up his repotoire for joy.
IF YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS INTERESTING YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE TO READ:
Making yourself instantly happier - good books about happiness
Practicing gratitude
Three single girls in a bar
Quote - Anthony Robbins - moments of decision
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