Disempowering Your Shadow Self

We like to think we are awake and in control of our lives, right? That we are sitting in the driver's seat of the car called Life and driving it where ever it is we want to go, masters of our destiny, creators of our fates (within reason). But what if it is not "Me" who is doing the driving? What if we are being driven by something that is not "Us"?

In childhood and adolescence we have experiences that shape us, and then other things happen to us as time passes, too. Situations, people, random events can effect our inner worlds, how we feel about ourselves, perceptions we have of "how things are". Without even knowing we are doing it, we make decisions, and develop ways to protect ourselves from emotions that hurt, situations we perceive as threatening, and start to react to present situations based on past experiences. Patterns start to emerge, the results in our life start to reflect our ways of being, our responses, and then maybe we step back and take a look at our lives one day to realise how we are behaving and who we have in our lives does not actually reflect our core view of who we think we are...

Confronting! So who are we being then?

One school of thought proposes that sub-personalities, aspects of ourselves, can dominate us. Reflections of the mind and primal responses, they are not doing the bidding of the heart, which is possibly why, upon reflection, or in response to a critical situation where we might suddenly see our way of being more accurately, we can be so surprised to find that how other people see us is so different to how we wish to see ourselves, or feel about ourselves.

Another school of thought calls these aspects "the Shadow", or "shadow selves", and the viewpoint here is that until the light of consciousness is shone upon the Shadow, the Shadow rules us, and we remain unaware of our patterns or "default settings".

Is it a horrifying idea for you that some other self, not your true self, might be running your life? Some shadow or aspect you have never even seen? Seeing your shadow is no less confronting - and can create huge questions and feelings of helplessness - "Now what?".

Well, the only thing you can really do is keep looking - look closer, become more aware of when head starts to dominate heart, and at each moment - even in the middle of a huge row with someone - choose to follow heart not head, not ego, not that often-flawed instinct for self-preservation that makes us say or do things we regret later.

The idea of mindfulness is not new. Modern philosopher Ekhart Tolle has written books about it, including The Power of Now; spiritual teacher Sally Kempton offers suggestions for how to achieve a more heart-connected state, and avid meditators suggest their practice as another method for facing and subduing the Shadow self. 

You see, you can't really make it go away. It's part of you, but it doesn't have to be the dominant part of you, and it doesn't have to lead you into places that do not serve your highest good: away from connection and intimacy and positive expression, and towards drama and conflict and isolation. It is possible to become more mindful of when we are being reactive and living old patterns and stop, and listen instead to the often quietly spoken voice that comes from our hearts.


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Peaceful Thought For Today: Quote Saint Terese of Liseaux

A peaceful thought for today:

“May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are.

Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.”

- Saint Terese of Liseaux

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The Peace Pledge

Thought you might like to take a look at another peace project I have been working on - it's the reason why my posts to this blog have been so erratic of late! I have recently created a website to promote inner peacefulness called The Peace Pledge. If the link doesn't work you can find it here: www.ThePeacePledge.org

There is also a Facebook page: www.facebook.com/peacepledge and within six days of launching it had 2500 page likes! It is now tracking close to 21,000 "likes". Pretty cool, huh?

Kind of exciting to discover there are so many people in the world striving to be peaceful and live peacefully.


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You have now been touched by the world peace flame

How many people do you interact with in a lifetime? If you have 10 good friends, 500 peers or acquaintances, and another 1000 people you bump into at the shops, the market, on the bus, etc. each year it could be many thousands.

People talk about pebbles in a lake creating ripples that bounce from shore to shore. I also like the idea of light pushing back darkness. Turn a light on in a dark room and the whole environment changes. You see things you couldn't see before. You know where things are. You have a whole heap of knowledge you can then not UN-know, even if the light goes off.

I found myself in the centre of the city recently, observing and participating in a beautiful ritual to consecrate a specific area for peace. The idea was that with each drop of water that the fountain sprayed out it would help to spread an essence of peace into the central business and shopping districts. The organisers were very high level and community leaders and representatives from a huge spectrum of philosophies and religions were present. It was quite a magical, unified vibe.

For me, one of the most impressive aspects of the event was that they had managed to get hold of a candle lit from the world peace flame, and then shared this little flame with everyone who attended.

As we each took our candle up to be lit it struck me that many thousands of people had also lit candles from this flame. Who did it make us to have been brought into that circle, close enough to feel the heat from the World Peace Flame?

I have posted a picture of my little candle here. Now you, too, have been touched by the reflected light of the world peace flame... so who does that make you? Are you, too, destined to be an ambassador for peace in your world of hundreds or maybe thousands?

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Tell Me Something Happy and Inspiring

I was trawling the Net the other day to see what other people say makes them happy. I came across some long jokes, some tales of little gray kittens and new chicks being born, a lady who was getting married in 2 weeks, a couple who had been trying for a baby and succeeded. I also came across some quotations. These two stuck out for me:

"There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved" - George Sand.

"Happiness is the only good. The time to be happy is now. The place to be happy is here. The way to be happy is to make others so " - Robert G. Ingersoll.

In business, the way to get ahead is to either make or save someone money. In life, according to Mr Ingersoll, the path to happiness is to help increase the happiness of others. This sits quite comfortably with the view of some spiritualists who say that we are here to serve - humanity, God, life - and in doing so we achieve peace and happiness for ourselves.

Can you share a happy story? Is there something that always gets your Happy Meter a bit higher up the chart? Or perhaps you have heard a particularly inspiring story - something that helped or encouraged you in some way? Or maybe you have an awesome joke to share! (G rated - let's keep it clean).

Feel free to post in the comments section. I'd love to hear about it.




(Here are some of those happiness quotes, in case you are interested: http://www.bestinspirationalquotes4u.com/Lifehappy/lifehappy.html)
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I Discovered This Cancer Journey Blog

A friend of mine sent me a link to this cancer journey blog the other day. One of his best friends was recently diagnosed with cancer and is currently having chemotherapy. My friend has been encouraging his mate to record his journey and after reading the blog I could see why. This young man has tremendous wisdom. Despite this challenging upset to his life plan he is facing it with an incredible commitment to make the best of things.

He has bad days, days when he finds it hard to see the sunny side, but by and large - I am sure you will agree - the way he views his illness is really inspiring. I hope you find it encouraging as you face your own trials.

Here's the link: http://sharingthecancerjourney.wordpress.com/

Best of luck, Meiron! We're barracking for you. Get well soon.


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Contrast Leads To Clarity

We hear stories about bad things happening to good people and wonder why. Some events seem pointless and painful, for unknown end.

We look at our lives - the ups and downs, the wrong turns, the dead ends - and wonder how we came to find ourselves somewhere so far from where we wanted to be! I came across a quote a while back that says "If you don't change course soon you will end up where you are heading". Made me laugh... how true.

Joking aside, sometimes we can find ourselves in situations that are really NOT what we want. If nothing else can be salvaged, we can still take that utter nastiness or despair and put it to good use. The lesson may be a painful one it can teach this: You know now what you DON'T want... and suddenly what you DO want is crystal clear.

Do you know someone who has yet to work out what they want to do "when they grow up" despite having hit adult-hood many moons ago? Sometimes we humans find it easier to articulate what we don't want rather than what we do... it can take an experience of what we don't to be understand where we would rather be.

The trick then, of course, is to take action. Knowing or dreaming of being in a different place is all well and good, but to get there we will have to change course and start striding away from the unexpected place we ended up, and heading back towards where we want to be.


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Your Words Have Power: What Are Aum Qualities?

Do you speak the truth, always? How carefully do you choose your words? We take language for granted. We throw words around, playing, experimenting, casually expressing ourselves according to our mood and whim. Often we are quite unconscious of our impact on others, or how our words can bounce back to impact even on ourselves.

Words have power. They shape our life experience, they influence other people's views of us and their opinions of how things are. I read recently that the quality of your life is determined by the quality of your communication. Perhaps a rather large statement, but I can certainly see some truth in it.

I have a friend who seems to be constantly on the attack / defensive. His language can be very passive-aggressive; I have watched this past year while his business has crumbled around him. He wonders why people keep double-crossing him or letting him down. I wonder if perhaps he just didn't start out with clear boundaries, accurately articulating his expectations, and then when confusion set in, found his communication style alienated the people he was working with, setting up a nasty spiral, often ending in legal action.

Is it the words themselves that have the impact or is there something else at play also?

In eastern religions, there is a sacred or mystical term, said to mimic the sound of creation and life itself. The term "aum" or "om" is a verbal phrase that when spoken or chanted it is reported as having a profound resonance, an eternal, universal quality. It is said to contain cosmic energy that makes up the very fabric of existence, and resounds forever.

Think about the sound of a bell ringing - the sound gets softer and softer but does it ever end? Or a pebble dropped into the ocean... does the ripple ever stop running through the water?

Om is supposed to be a bit like that. Powerful stuff.

But that's not all.

The universal sound of "aum", according to Indian philosophy, has three forms of expression; creation, preservation and destruction.

In Autobiography Of A Yogi (Paramahansa Yogananda, 13th edition, 2010, Self-Realisation Fellowship) it says: "Each time a man speaks a word he puts into operation one of the three qualities of aum".

Creation, preservation or destruction.

Each time you share words, what are you putting out into the world? What are you creating? Maintaining? Unpicking?

We live our lives on so many levels. If we could become more aware of what we are creating, perpetuating or destroying, and how, rather than being taken by surprise when things don't unfold as we hoped, perhaps we could start to create and manifest a life for ourselves that was closer to our best-case imaginings.



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Anger Gets A Bad Wrap

Do you have friends who post inspirational quotes and cute sayings as their Facebook updates from time to time? I do. Often worth a read, one went up the other day that didn't ring entirely to true for me. It said:

"Life is short ...live it. ♥ Love is rare... grab it. Anger is bad... dump it. Fear is awful... face it. Memories are sweet....cherish them."

Some nice sentiments but I think anger gets a bad wrap. It can provide the extra energy you need sometimes to propel you forward. Anger directed AT someone - including self - can be destructive but generalised anger... Not bad. Cleansing, motivating, powerful, useful when well placed.

I can't help but that think that anger is one of those gifts we have been given as part of the evolutionary process... it is designed to get us out of a bad place at the right time, to give us the motivation and power to react differently... An unknown adult disciplining your child in the playground causing you to run to the rescue, a boss who has had an unjustifiable harsh word to say just once too often and finally gets a piece of your mind (or a resignation?), an abusive spouse who crosses some imaginary line and triggers a new reaction in the abusee (to resolve to leave at the most prudent time) - to give rather random examples.

Many people though, live with anger. They do not use it but are used BY it. Anger controls them. It causes them to be people they don't want to be, say and do things they regret, creates isolation and separation from the people they love most. That kind of anger... bad news. No evolution there: pain and hurt instead.

No point suppressing it or denying it though. If anger shows up - in it's most positive, motivating form or its damaging, dangerous form - it's a wonderful clue that right there, in that moment, you have an opportunity for transformation. Taking a look at your shadow self and getting to know him or her can actually be a gateway to great joy - it puts you in the position to choose light or dark, old ways of being or the new.

If you can put anger to work, understand your triggers and do something constructive with the massive emotions that sit there, you can create a whole new life for yourself, a life where angers works FOR you as a positive, transforming force, not rules you.

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Any Kindness

"I shall pass through this world but once. If, therefore, there be any good thing I can do, or any kindness I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now; let me not defer it or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again".

Saying from a little prayer card I picked up at a church a few months back, titled "The Ministry of Kindness".

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My Version of the "I Accept" Prayer

A friend of mine gave me a version of the "I Accept" prayer after a visit to his kinesiologist... but there were a few things in the original (unsigned) version I believed revealed a bias towards the healthy. For people with serious injuries, disabilities or terminal illnesses, or other major challenges, I thought it may even cause them further pain. 

...And yet, I could see where the poem / prayer was going and thought that with some work it would become a poem that could be used more universally - and resonate more widely. So here is the massively re-written version I have come up with.

I hope you like my take on the "I Accept" prayer. 

I would love to hear your thoughts about it or stories of people you think may enjoy reading it. My friend was given the instruction to read it outloud each day before he left for work, to set him up for the day. I believe he carries his version around with him now. Perhaps he will have a crack at this one too one day!!!

I ACCEPT

I accept I am a spiritual being and am where I need to be NOW.

My spiritual growth and learning are my responsibility, and I accept the challenge to see and discover myself through my experiences, universal wisdom, and love.

Within me is the impulse to thrive and the vast knowledge and abundance of the Universe.
I AM one with the universal mind, my higher self, God / Goddess, and ALL THAT IS.

I accept that there are no rights, wrongs, injustices, mistakes – only lessons and teachings;
It is not my place to judge – or to judge myself and others.
Instead, I surrender to those forces greater than myself, and trust.
I accept that there are things I cannot know and do not need to understand.

I give daily thanks for the love and generosity present in my life, my opportunities, insights, gifts, and moments of genuine, precious connection with others.
I am blessed. I am lucky. I am worthy.

I give myself permission to graciously accept and receive these gifts NOW.

I recognise “truth” when I see it, hear it or am touched by it;
It is inclusive, expansive, and governed by love,
And I live by this universal Truth.

I am one with the divine thought process within me and I am open to receiving creative thoughts and ideas NOW.

Love heals all.

Love conquers all.

Love is all there is.

I AM LOVE

I am as whole, healthy and free as the universe intended me to be,
My spirit cannot be broken.
My soul sings.
I find beauty and joy in all that I can.
I am filled with grace and forgiveness.

Every breath I take releases me from thoughts that do not serve me.
I am peaceful. I am still.

I love myself, my experiences, my world, and beyond.

LOVE CONQUERS ALL

I love.
I accept.
I am.




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Jill Bolte Taylor, brain scientist, gives a TED talk about her stroke

Jill Bolte Taylor is a brain scientist who had a massive stroke and nearly died. She tells her story for the TED.com audience in this video. What an unusual opportunity for a scientist - to study the collapse of the brain from the inside out. What she learned - and was inspired to share - will change the way you think about yourself.

Do you choose to live from a left-brain or a right-brain perspective?

I had to share this video. I hope you find it interesting.



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Gaia Meditations by John Seed and Joanna Macy

I had the great priviledge of meeting Australian environmentalist John Seed last week during Earth Hour. John is a deep ecologist and director of the Rainforest Information Centre in Australia. He also helped initiate the US Rainforest Action Network in 1984.

Idolised by many, and well known the world over, John is a disconcertingly unassuming man with a tremendous aura of calm - ideal if you are planning a few moments of quiet reflection!

At 8.30, after the lights went out, we decided to mark Earth Hour with a reading: the Gaia Meditation written by John Seed and Joanna Macy.

I am thrilled to be able to share this beautiful piece with you on my blog today, with love and gratitude to John and Joanna. I hope you enjoy it.

The Gaia Meditation by John Seed and Joanna Macy

What are you? What am I? Intersecting cycles of water, earth, air and fire, that's what I am, that's what you are.

WATER — blood, lymph, mucus, sweat, tears, inner oceans tugged by the moon, tides within and tides without. Streaming fluids floating our cells, washing and nourishing through endless riverways of gut and vein and capillary. Moisture pouring in and through and out of you, of me, in the vast poem of the hydrological cycle. You are that. I am that.

EARTH — matter made from rock and soil. It too is pulled by the moon as the magma circulates through the planet heart and roots suck molecules into biology. Earth pours through us, replacing each cell in the body every seven years. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, we ingest, incorporate and excrete the earth, are made from earth. I am that. You are that.

AIR — the gaseous realm, the atmosphere, the planet's membrane. The inhale and the exhale. Breathing out carbon dioxide to the trees and breathing in their fresh exudations. Oxygen kissing each cell awake, atoms dancing in orderly metabolism, interpenetrating. That dance of the air cycle, breathing the universe in and out again, is what you are, is what I am.

FIRE — Fire, from our sun that fuels all life, drawing up plants and raising the waters to the sky to fall again replenishing. The inner furnace of your metabolism burns with the fire of the Big Bang that first sent matter-energy spinning through space and time. And the same fire as the lightning that flashed into the primordial soup catalyzing the birth of organic life.

You were there, I was there, for each cell of our bodies is descended in an unbroken chain from that event. Through the desire of atom for molecule, of molecule for cell, of cell for organism. In our sexuality we can feel ancient stirrings that connect us with plant as well as animal life. We come from them in an unbroken chain — through fish learning to walk the land, feeling scales turning to wings, through the migrations in the ages of ice.
We have been but recently in human form. If Earth's whole history were compressed into twenty-four hours beginning at midnight, organic life would begin only at 3 pm . . . mammals emerge at 11:30 . . . and from amongst them at only seconds to midnight, our species.

In our long planetary journey we have taken far more ancient forms than these we now wear. Some of these forms we remember in our mother's womb, wear vestigial tails and gills, grow fins for hands.

Countless times in that journey we died to old forms, let go of old ways, allowing new ones to emerge. But nothing is ever lost. Though forms pass, all returns. Each worn-out cell consumed, recycled . . . through mosses, leeches, birds of prey. . . .

Think to your next death. Will your flesh and bones back into the cycle. Surrender. Love the plump worms you will become. Launder your weary being through the fountain of life.

Beholding you, I behold as well all the different creatures that compose you — the mitochondria in the cells, the intestinal bacteria, the life teeming on the surface of the skin. The great symbiosis that is you. The incredible coordination and cooperation of countless beings. You are that, too, just as your body is part of a much larger symbiosis, living in wider reciprocities. Be conscious of that give-and-take when you move among trees. Breathe your pure carbon dioxide to a leaf and sense it breathing fresh oxygen back to you.
Countless times in that journey we died to old forms, let go of old ways, allowing new ones to emerge. But nothing is ever lost. Though forms pass, all returns.

Remember again and again the old cycles of partnership. Draw on them in this time of trouble. By your very nature and the journey you have made, there is in you deep knowledge of belonging. Draw on it now in this time of fear. You have earth-bred wisdom of your interexistence with all that is. Take courage and power in it now, that we may help each other awaken in this time of peril.

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Desiderata: Old Words, New Meaning

Odd isn't it that words that can be so familar, after a time when we come upon them again, seem suddenly deeply resonant with new meaning? The good old Desiderata hangs on the back of so many toilet doors and in so many hallways that it has almost become wall paper. After speaking with a friend the other day - who surprised herself by bursting into tears as we spoke about an issue close to her heart - I was inspired to look up this classic peace poem and share it with her... and after it's new resonance for me, with you also. Enjoy. 

(By the way, there's a rumour that the Desiderata is not "by Anonymous" and wasn't found in "Old St Paul's Church" but was actually written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s. I'd be interested to know the truth... if any readers know it!)

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons. 

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
 
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
 
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
 
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
 
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
 
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

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Poem - Touched By An Angel - By Maya Angelou

This is such a lovely poem about love and freedom and the classic type of contradiction that seems to be present whenever we humans try to express those things that remain inexplicable.

Touched By An Angel

We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.

Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.

We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love's light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free.

- Maya Angelou


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Happiness Is Contagious

Next time you are walking down the street, looking for a bit of a distraction, try this little experiment. When you see someone coming towards you give them a smile, not in a freaky way but a "gee, what a nice day it is" kind of way.

People's reactions can be quite entertaining. Some will be confused, others will ignore you, but most, without even thinking about it, will simply give you a sheepish smile back. It's like a happiness echo. Perhaps inspite of themselves, your cheeriness triggers a response.

I suspect that, like peacefulness, happiness may be a teeny tiny bit contagious.

Keeping Promises

How often have you said to someone "Love to catch up! Let's go for a coffee" (drink, walk etc) but failed to follow up? You were full of good intentions at the time, the sentiment was sincere, but for whatever reason you just never did anything about it. Have you thought about the impact that has had on you?

Firstly, it kind of makes you look like a lier. A sweet, well-intentioned one perhaps... but ultimately false.

Secondly, on some level, you must be aware of your lack of follow through. Some people may shrug it off with any number of reasons, including "I was busy", and think nothing much of it. Others may carry the teeny-tiniest hint of guilt for not being of their word. Either way, you are still, on some level, aware that you didn't do what you said you would.

So what's going on here? Perhaps you are simply very generous with words - you have plenty of them and are happy to throw a few spares away in careless conversation. Perhaps you wish to be generous in spirit and demonstrate friendship and warmth by expressing a desire to continue the conversation or connection, somewhere sometime. Perhaps you're not very good at saying no to the wrong things and yes to the right things and so have a whole heap of "busy-ness" stealing time from those things you really want to do (like have the coffee). Or perhaps you are just flaky?

As a kind of game, try this. For just one day don't take on, suggest, or committ to anything unless you are 100% prepared to follow through. Then, the same day, complete the task or put the wheels in motion, and keep them in motion, till the deed is done. Another way of saying it is - for just one day don't make any promises you will not keep. By the end of the day you'll notice some curious benefits.

One benefit is that you will feel less stretched, less obligated; another is improved self esteem (we derive self esteem from action) and confidence. Each time you keep a promise you have made, even if the other person has no idea what's going on, you'll feel an increasing sense of ability. After practicing for a while you may find yourself taking on much bigger challenges - because by then you'll know you can trust yourself to "be your word".

This is not about the other person. This is about you. Yes, you are doing what you told someone you would do - burn that CD, email that photo, share that recipe, arrange that dinner - and they will see and experience that. So it does kind of look like you keeping your "promise" to them... but on another level, first and foremost, you are keeping a promise you made to yourself... and that feels good!


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Quotation - Love & Happiness - The Heart Knows...

The heart always knows - when you have the courage to hear your heart and choose the things that make you feel good... you are always in the right place

Manifesting your dreams: Wouldn't it be nice if...

...we could eat chocolate for breakfast, lunch, afternoon tea and dinner... without feeling sick, getting diabetes or putting on weight! Oh yes. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone you met in the street was already a friend and said hello to you... yes! Wouldn't it be nice if you made a million dollars this week? Scored a scholarship? If people in all the cities, towns, suburbs and villages of the world lived harmonously and happily together. Wouldn't it be nice if your girlfriend bought you your dream car today and gave you the keys tonight as a surprise? Yes.

What's your "wouldn't it be nice if"?

Can you feel already how playing the game of "wouldn't it be nice if" can change your mood? Make you feel happier? Perhaps even make it easier for good things to come to you.

When you are feeling good it's kind of easier to keep the good feeling building. Sometimes little games like "wouldn't it be nice if" can help kick start that "feeling good". And then we can let it gather momentum and before you know it we have more happy peaceful days than not!

But there's one trick - to start off, keep your day-dreams believable - so close to real you can see it clearly in your mind's eye - don't open up that can of worms called "longing". If you day-dream with longing - a pervading sense of lack - the power of "wouldn't it be nice if" can be lost. Keep it soft.

Here's an example. Driving home in the car during peak hour rather than saying "wouldn't it be nice if all these cars would just go away and I could be home in 10 minutes" (very unlikely to happen in that moment) try "wouldn't it be nice if I had a surprise parcel waiting at home for me when I get there" or "wouldn't it be nice if Sally and Bob could come with us on that next hiking trip".

Play with it. See if you can make it work for you... wouldn't it be nice if you could!

IF YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS INTERESTING YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE TO READ:
Allowing yourself to feel good
Books about happiness

Practicing gratitude... a quick "how to"!

If we want to be able to kick a goal or play the guitar well we have to practice but how often do you consciously choose to practice being grateful? Why would you? Of all the things I've read and crazy things I have tried this is the one simple trick I have learned that is not just instantly gratifying but, over time, profoundly life improving!

Maybe you don't feel grateful for very much? Life may have dealt you one too many hard blows. Plenty of people feel pretty knocked around by life, or ground down by the rat race or are simply heart broken or devastated in some other way. That's okay - with this little experiment it's good to start small! Ease yourself in...

This is not a mind game - we're not talking about spinning things so they have a positive twist, mastering your mind and learning to talk like some self-help apostle.

This is not about smoke and mirrors, positive self talk or any of that other stuff - which can all be useful and has its place. This is about tapping into and acknowledging a genuine feeling. Something that is already in you but does't get a lot of air play. A sincere honest "thank you" that you don't have to force or talk yourself into... we're just working at getting into the habit of actually acknowledging the good stuff that unfolds in your life. Even just the tiniest things.

Some easy ways to begin may be: "thank you for giving me that parking space when I was runnng late", "thank you for this glorious sunny day!", "thank you for putting such a sweet old lady next to me on the bus today", "thanks for letting me get inside the house before it started to rain", "thanks for giving me such adorable children", "thanks for letting me be born in this country", "thanks for saving me $1 a kilo for those tomatoes today" etc...

It's takes a little time - a moment of reflection as life unfolds - to get into the swing of practicing gratitude. It requires that as something good happens you take that time to go "Ah! Thank you!". Who (or what) you choose to thank is up to you - maybe God or Allah or the Universe or Mother Mary or Krishna or Isis or the Archangel Michael or... (you get the idea!)...

...but instantly, the moment you stop, observe and acknowledge that particular gift, big or small, something happens in you: you feel grateful... and peace and happiness follow close behind. Magic.

IF YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS INTERESTING YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE TO READ:
Allowing yourself to feel good
Quote - Alex Noble - spirit of the journey
Crazy playful silly ways to feel instantly happier