Anger Gets A Bad Wrap

Do you have friends who post inspirational quotes and cute sayings as their Facebook updates from time to time? I do. Often worth a read, one went up the other day that didn't ring entirely to true for me. It said:

"Life is short ...live it. ♥ Love is rare... grab it. Anger is bad... dump it. Fear is awful... face it. Memories are sweet....cherish them."

Some nice sentiments but I think anger gets a bad wrap. It can provide the extra energy you need sometimes to propel you forward. Anger directed AT someone - including self - can be destructive but generalised anger... Not bad. Cleansing, motivating, powerful, useful when well placed.

I can't help but that think that anger is one of those gifts we have been given as part of the evolutionary process... it is designed to get us out of a bad place at the right time, to give us the motivation and power to react differently... An unknown adult disciplining your child in the playground causing you to run to the rescue, a boss who has had an unjustifiable harsh word to say just once too often and finally gets a piece of your mind (or a resignation?), an abusive spouse who crosses some imaginary line and triggers a new reaction in the abusee (to resolve to leave at the most prudent time) - to give rather random examples.

Many people though, live with anger. They do not use it but are used BY it. Anger controls them. It causes them to be people they don't want to be, say and do things they regret, creates isolation and separation from the people they love most. That kind of anger... bad news. No evolution there: pain and hurt instead.

No point suppressing it or denying it though. If anger shows up - in it's most positive, motivating form or its damaging, dangerous form - it's a wonderful clue that right there, in that moment, you have an opportunity for transformation. Taking a look at your shadow self and getting to know him or her can actually be a gateway to great joy - it puts you in the position to choose light or dark, old ways of being or the new.

If you can put anger to work, understand your triggers and do something constructive with the massive emotions that sit there, you can create a whole new life for yourself, a life where angers works FOR you as a positive, transforming force, not rules you.

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Allowing Love In Your Life

Have you ever had such an intense desire for love that you almost felt your bones would shatter for the lack of it? Perhaps you were going through a divorce, a nasty break up, facing the death of a loved one. At these critical times, our need can be so profound we fear we may not even survive it. At other times, as we go about our day, a feeling of lack or absence or loneliness may walk beside us. It may be a vague feeling we can't quite name, a niggling sense that all is not quite what we hoped, or more extreme, if loneliness has a firm grip over us.

It is hard at these times to accept that love is all around us, waiting for a signal from us so it can flood into our lives, and also hard to "be" the love you so desperately seek in order to "attract it in". Self-help books can be wonderful but sometimes we stand so far from where we want to be it can seem like an impossible dream to even dredge up a smile! Let alone manifest a whole universe of happy happy joy joy.

I've been thinking a lot about "attraction" in the Ester and Jerry Hicks, "The Secret", sense of the word. It kind of puts YOU in the centre of things - where you can create the enviroment needed to have a magical life evolve from where you are here and now. The theory goes that when you are a vibrational match for whatever it is you desire that is what appears.

I have great respect for Ester and Jerry Hicks. I get their daily quotes and find they often speak to me in ways that so many others do not. But for me, what I've observed is that at a certain point it's no longer about attracting, it's about allowing...

Humans. Crazy creatures. Here we are desperately desiring this, that and the other, and then, when it comes knocking at our door, we bolt like a scared rabbit in the other direction. New job: "I'm not ready to move just yet"; Gorgeous date: "she's too good for me" / "he was too nice"; Business opporunity: "I want to do my Masters next year, sounded too full on"....

So here's a challenge for you: imagine for a moment that it's safe to love.

We're assuming you have done the work and are capable of giving and sharing the kind of love you dream of. What if, now, you simply say "yes" when the opportunity for friendship, companionship, a friendly chat, any kind of warm and generous human exchange comes your way? And bigger still, what if the unexpected turns up one day and instead of running you simply allow love to in? Tired of waiting? Shift focus from "attracting" and invest more effort in "allowing".

Loving and being loved may be easier than you think.


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Allowing yourself to feel good

There is a school of thought that suggests we have been put on this planet to feel good - so if happiness is our birth-right then why do so many people refuse to allow themselves to feel good? It's a tad pathological, don't you think? Ah but human beings! We are such contrary creatures - we get lost in a maze of duty, expectations, dreams and what, right here right now, makes us feel tremendously nourished and well. We lie to ourselves. We find excuses for not doing those things we love with the people we love when we want to... gotta go to work, gotta be a doctor or a lawyer, gotta tidy the house, return that phone call, mow the lawn, finish that presentation for the boss...

What if - today - you DIDN'T swallow the impulse to do something your heart is telling you it really wants to do ("get a kitten!"; "take the day off and go for a surf!"; "enrol in a dance class!")... what if - just for today - you ALLOWED yourself to hear what your heart is saying, didn't judge, didn't tell it to be quiet, and just went along for the ride. Just for today. Tomorrow is not your concern just yet.

Sounds scary? If you need a bit of inspiration take a look at the book by Danny Wallace called "Yes Man" - about a guy who, for a dare, started to say yes...

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