Disempowering Your Shadow Self

We like to think we are awake and in control of our lives, right? That we are sitting in the driver's seat of the car called Life and driving it where ever it is we want to go, masters of our destiny, creators of our fates (within reason). But what if it is not "Me" who is doing the driving? What if we are being driven by something that is not "Us"?

In childhood and adolescence we have experiences that shape us, and then other things happen to us as time passes, too. Situations, people, random events can effect our inner worlds, how we feel about ourselves, perceptions we have of "how things are". Without even knowing we are doing it, we make decisions, and develop ways to protect ourselves from emotions that hurt, situations we perceive as threatening, and start to react to present situations based on past experiences. Patterns start to emerge, the results in our life start to reflect our ways of being, our responses, and then maybe we step back and take a look at our lives one day to realise how we are behaving and who we have in our lives does not actually reflect our core view of who we think we are...

Confronting! So who are we being then?

One school of thought proposes that sub-personalities, aspects of ourselves, can dominate us. Reflections of the mind and primal responses, they are not doing the bidding of the heart, which is possibly why, upon reflection, or in response to a critical situation where we might suddenly see our way of being more accurately, we can be so surprised to find that how other people see us is so different to how we wish to see ourselves, or feel about ourselves.

Another school of thought calls these aspects "the Shadow", or "shadow selves", and the viewpoint here is that until the light of consciousness is shone upon the Shadow, the Shadow rules us, and we remain unaware of our patterns or "default settings".

Is it a horrifying idea for you that some other self, not your true self, might be running your life? Some shadow or aspect you have never even seen? Seeing your shadow is no less confronting - and can create huge questions and feelings of helplessness - "Now what?".

Well, the only thing you can really do is keep looking - look closer, become more aware of when head starts to dominate heart, and at each moment - even in the middle of a huge row with someone - choose to follow heart not head, not ego, not that often-flawed instinct for self-preservation that makes us say or do things we regret later.

The idea of mindfulness is not new. Modern philosopher Ekhart Tolle has written books about it, including The Power of Now; spiritual teacher Sally Kempton offers suggestions for how to achieve a more heart-connected state, and avid meditators suggest their practice as another method for facing and subduing the Shadow self. 

You see, you can't really make it go away. It's part of you, but it doesn't have to be the dominant part of you, and it doesn't have to lead you into places that do not serve your highest good: away from connection and intimacy and positive expression, and towards drama and conflict and isolation. It is possible to become more mindful of when we are being reactive and living old patterns and stop, and listen instead to the often quietly spoken voice that comes from our hearts.


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Animals Can Teach Us About Peace

Humans are great at creating drama and upset for both themselves and others. This is not true of everyone, of course, and many people do not realise they are addicted to drama, perhaps as they are addicted to TV or soft drink or potato chips. I have been following a lovely Facebook group about animals called "Help For Animals" and each day I get an interesting picture and story (or two!) about animals living their lives and sometimes how they have helped humans or humans have helped them. It is very inspiring; heart-warming.

What that page does highlight for me is that animals have emotions and experience states of comfort (peace) and distress and that we:
1) can learn from their abilities to live a simple, peaceful life and their desire for harmony, ease, community;
2) have a responsibility to care for these creatures who are less powerful in our world, voice less, and so often at the mercy of our humanity and compassion.

They too have children, partners, friends, things they enjoy doing. They feel heart-ache when a partner or child dies, experience discomfort when it is cold, wet or too hot, get stressed out when a fellow animal (or human) is in danger or they are whisked away by a flood, value their freedom and autonomy, enjoy cuddles and affection from their kin or us.

Given the choice, animals seem to choose peace and comfort - take the image of a cat or dog curled up for a snooze in the sun. It seems odd to me that we, humans, so often choose drama and conflict over peace. Perhaps we are not as smart as we think and could benefit from a closer observation of the ways animals live their lives when they have choices, which, sadly they do not always have. Unlike us.

Pic credit: Help For Animals. Thank you. Original picture can be found here.

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Meeting Abigail Disney, Heiress and Peace Activist

I had the great privilege of meeting peace activist Abigail Disney at a fundraising event at the end of last year. Granddaughter of Roy O. Disney, co-founder of The Walt Disney Company with his brother Walt Disney, Abigail is heiress to an immense fortune and, after much soul-searching and loneliness as a young woman growing up, she has now committed to "supporting female voices and international peace-building through non-violent means".

Abigail is a passionate documentary maker and is busy telling some of the beautiful, heart-warming stories of successful peace-making that have been occurring around the world that mainstream media ignore. She told us how shocked she was when she left the USA and travelled to other places to discover how much good stuff was going on out there in the world that never filtered back into the States - and set about changing that.

In the course of the evening we watched an excerpt from her doco Pray The Devil Back To Hell, the inspiring story of thousands ordinary Liberian women of all ages, both Muslim and Christian, who, during the Liberian War, staged a sit-in outside the Presidential Palace (for years) and, though confronted by guns and tanks, insisted on peace - and got it.

She - and her film-making partners - also takes on other controversial issues that are not palatable to mainstream American television such as the impact of the Internet on children's perceptions of their sexuality.

Being in the presence of so many strong women that night at the Sydney Women's Fund / Australian Women Donors Network event, and meeting Abigail, was very inspiring for me. We even had a video address from Australian Prime Minister Hon. Julia Gillard.

Coming together to share stories and hear about the work other people are doing in the area of peace and for the service of humanity is very motivating. It's not everyone's cup of tea - we all have a different mission and journey here on planet Earth - but for me, it was quite a thrilling night. I've posted a picture of me and Abigail below.

Whatever your calling, and however you are getting along with it, I hope you will stay true, follow your heart, and do the very best you can to express yourself - there is only one YOU and the world needs what you have to offer. Be courageous.

Peace and blessings.










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Peace and Feel-good Quotes

My inner journey and my work on The Peace Pledge are taking a lot of my energy and spare time. There is a nagging sense of guilt in me for not posting here more frequently. I sometimes find that when incubating an idea or going through an intense period of life experience / growth that I am not grounded enough to catch my thoughts on paper and reflect them back. Perhaps when we push through the other side of various experiences we are in a better position to see them more clearly.

So, for now, I just want to reach out and share a random selection of peace quotes that may be beneficial for you.

I hope your journey is an interesting and happy one.

With love
xx

Random selection of peace and feel-good quotes

“There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of even one small candle” - Robert Alden

"If half a century of living has taught me anything at all, it has taught me that nothing can bring you peace but yourself." - Dale Carnegie

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” - Eleanor Roosevelt, This is My Story

"Inner peace is not something that happens to you as some external or future event. Inner peace exists within you right now and it will be gradually uncovered as you decide to flow and accept the events and changes that life brings. In the degree that you embrace those changes, will you have inner peace." - Gabriela Pinto

“Be a rainbow in someone else's cloud.” - Maya Angelou, Letter to My Daughter

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Tell Me Something Happy and Inspiring

I was trawling the Net the other day to see what other people say makes them happy. I came across some long jokes, some tales of little gray kittens and new chicks being born, a lady who was getting married in 2 weeks, a couple who had been trying for a baby and succeeded. I also came across some quotations. These two stuck out for me:

"There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved" - George Sand.

"Happiness is the only good. The time to be happy is now. The place to be happy is here. The way to be happy is to make others so " - Robert G. Ingersoll.

In business, the way to get ahead is to either make or save someone money. In life, according to Mr Ingersoll, the path to happiness is to help increase the happiness of others. This sits quite comfortably with the view of some spiritualists who say that we are here to serve - humanity, God, life - and in doing so we achieve peace and happiness for ourselves.

Can you share a happy story? Is there something that always gets your Happy Meter a bit higher up the chart? Or perhaps you have heard a particularly inspiring story - something that helped or encouraged you in some way? Or maybe you have an awesome joke to share! (G rated - let's keep it clean).

Feel free to post in the comments section. I'd love to hear about it.




(Here are some of those happiness quotes, in case you are interested: http://www.bestinspirationalquotes4u.com/Lifehappy/lifehappy.html)
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I Discovered This Cancer Journey Blog

A friend of mine sent me a link to this cancer journey blog the other day. One of his best friends was recently diagnosed with cancer and is currently having chemotherapy. My friend has been encouraging his mate to record his journey and after reading the blog I could see why. This young man has tremendous wisdom. Despite this challenging upset to his life plan he is facing it with an incredible commitment to make the best of things.

He has bad days, days when he finds it hard to see the sunny side, but by and large - I am sure you will agree - the way he views his illness is really inspiring. I hope you find it encouraging as you face your own trials.

Here's the link: http://sharingthecancerjourney.wordpress.com/

Best of luck, Meiron! We're barracking for you. Get well soon.


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Contrast Leads To Clarity

We hear stories about bad things happening to good people and wonder why. Some events seem pointless and painful, for unknown end.

We look at our lives - the ups and downs, the wrong turns, the dead ends - and wonder how we came to find ourselves somewhere so far from where we wanted to be! I came across a quote a while back that says "If you don't change course soon you will end up where you are heading". Made me laugh... how true.

Joking aside, sometimes we can find ourselves in situations that are really NOT what we want. If nothing else can be salvaged, we can still take that utter nastiness or despair and put it to good use. The lesson may be a painful one it can teach this: You know now what you DON'T want... and suddenly what you DO want is crystal clear.

Do you know someone who has yet to work out what they want to do "when they grow up" despite having hit adult-hood many moons ago? Sometimes we humans find it easier to articulate what we don't want rather than what we do... it can take an experience of what we don't to be understand where we would rather be.

The trick then, of course, is to take action. Knowing or dreaming of being in a different place is all well and good, but to get there we will have to change course and start striding away from the unexpected place we ended up, and heading back towards where we want to be.


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Your Words Have Power: What Are Aum Qualities?

Do you speak the truth, always? How carefully do you choose your words? We take language for granted. We throw words around, playing, experimenting, casually expressing ourselves according to our mood and whim. Often we are quite unconscious of our impact on others, or how our words can bounce back to impact even on ourselves.

Words have power. They shape our life experience, they influence other people's views of us and their opinions of how things are. I read recently that the quality of your life is determined by the quality of your communication. Perhaps a rather large statement, but I can certainly see some truth in it.

I have a friend who seems to be constantly on the attack / defensive. His language can be very passive-aggressive; I have watched this past year while his business has crumbled around him. He wonders why people keep double-crossing him or letting him down. I wonder if perhaps he just didn't start out with clear boundaries, accurately articulating his expectations, and then when confusion set in, found his communication style alienated the people he was working with, setting up a nasty spiral, often ending in legal action.

Is it the words themselves that have the impact or is there something else at play also?

In eastern religions, there is a sacred or mystical term, said to mimic the sound of creation and life itself. The term "aum" or "om" is a verbal phrase that when spoken or chanted it is reported as having a profound resonance, an eternal, universal quality. It is said to contain cosmic energy that makes up the very fabric of existence, and resounds forever.

Think about the sound of a bell ringing - the sound gets softer and softer but does it ever end? Or a pebble dropped into the ocean... does the ripple ever stop running through the water?

Om is supposed to be a bit like that. Powerful stuff.

But that's not all.

The universal sound of "aum", according to Indian philosophy, has three forms of expression; creation, preservation and destruction.

In Autobiography Of A Yogi (Paramahansa Yogananda, 13th edition, 2010, Self-Realisation Fellowship) it says: "Each time a man speaks a word he puts into operation one of the three qualities of aum".

Creation, preservation or destruction.

Each time you share words, what are you putting out into the world? What are you creating? Maintaining? Unpicking?

We live our lives on so many levels. If we could become more aware of what we are creating, perpetuating or destroying, and how, rather than being taken by surprise when things don't unfold as we hoped, perhaps we could start to create and manifest a life for ourselves that was closer to our best-case imaginings.



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Anger Gets A Bad Wrap

Do you have friends who post inspirational quotes and cute sayings as their Facebook updates from time to time? I do. Often worth a read, one went up the other day that didn't ring entirely to true for me. It said:

"Life is short ...live it. ♥ Love is rare... grab it. Anger is bad... dump it. Fear is awful... face it. Memories are sweet....cherish them."

Some nice sentiments but I think anger gets a bad wrap. It can provide the extra energy you need sometimes to propel you forward. Anger directed AT someone - including self - can be destructive but generalised anger... Not bad. Cleansing, motivating, powerful, useful when well placed.

I can't help but that think that anger is one of those gifts we have been given as part of the evolutionary process... it is designed to get us out of a bad place at the right time, to give us the motivation and power to react differently... An unknown adult disciplining your child in the playground causing you to run to the rescue, a boss who has had an unjustifiable harsh word to say just once too often and finally gets a piece of your mind (or a resignation?), an abusive spouse who crosses some imaginary line and triggers a new reaction in the abusee (to resolve to leave at the most prudent time) - to give rather random examples.

Many people though, live with anger. They do not use it but are used BY it. Anger controls them. It causes them to be people they don't want to be, say and do things they regret, creates isolation and separation from the people they love most. That kind of anger... bad news. No evolution there: pain and hurt instead.

No point suppressing it or denying it though. If anger shows up - in it's most positive, motivating form or its damaging, dangerous form - it's a wonderful clue that right there, in that moment, you have an opportunity for transformation. Taking a look at your shadow self and getting to know him or her can actually be a gateway to great joy - it puts you in the position to choose light or dark, old ways of being or the new.

If you can put anger to work, understand your triggers and do something constructive with the massive emotions that sit there, you can create a whole new life for yourself, a life where angers works FOR you as a positive, transforming force, not rules you.

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My Version of the "I Accept" Prayer

A friend of mine gave me a version of the "I Accept" prayer after a visit to his kinesiologist... but there were a few things in the original (unsigned) version I believed revealed a bias towards the healthy. For people with serious injuries, disabilities or terminal illnesses, or other major challenges, I thought it may even cause them further pain. 

...And yet, I could see where the poem / prayer was going and thought that with some work it would become a poem that could be used more universally - and resonate more widely. So here is the massively re-written version I have come up with.

I hope you like my take on the "I Accept" prayer. 

I would love to hear your thoughts about it or stories of people you think may enjoy reading it. My friend was given the instruction to read it outloud each day before he left for work, to set him up for the day. I believe he carries his version around with him now. Perhaps he will have a crack at this one too one day!!!

I ACCEPT

I accept I am a spiritual being and am where I need to be NOW.

My spiritual growth and learning are my responsibility, and I accept the challenge to see and discover myself through my experiences, universal wisdom, and love.

Within me is the impulse to thrive and the vast knowledge and abundance of the Universe.
I AM one with the universal mind, my higher self, God / Goddess, and ALL THAT IS.

I accept that there are no rights, wrongs, injustices, mistakes – only lessons and teachings;
It is not my place to judge – or to judge myself and others.
Instead, I surrender to those forces greater than myself, and trust.
I accept that there are things I cannot know and do not need to understand.

I give daily thanks for the love and generosity present in my life, my opportunities, insights, gifts, and moments of genuine, precious connection with others.
I am blessed. I am lucky. I am worthy.

I give myself permission to graciously accept and receive these gifts NOW.

I recognise “truth” when I see it, hear it or am touched by it;
It is inclusive, expansive, and governed by love,
And I live by this universal Truth.

I am one with the divine thought process within me and I am open to receiving creative thoughts and ideas NOW.

Love heals all.

Love conquers all.

Love is all there is.

I AM LOVE

I am as whole, healthy and free as the universe intended me to be,
My spirit cannot be broken.
My soul sings.
I find beauty and joy in all that I can.
I am filled with grace and forgiveness.

Every breath I take releases me from thoughts that do not serve me.
I am peaceful. I am still.

I love myself, my experiences, my world, and beyond.

LOVE CONQUERS ALL

I love.
I accept.
I am.




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Creating a more peaceful world

One peaceful person is like a pebble cast onto a lake. The ripple effect of that person's peacefulness creates gentle, wide, unending waves.

If we set peace as our primary goal, suddenly all of our interactions have focus and meaning. At each moment we can be choosing to create peace - or create drama and upset. It is possible to have difficult conversations without losing your peacefulness. It is possible to be frank - and gentle - when necessary, without crossing into drama and conflict. It requires committment, self mastery - a lifelong goal!!! - and at times we will not be able to pull it off. Old patterns will dominate us, challenge our new thinking. We will make mistakes, but every second is a new opportunity to see yourself more clearly and step outside to reflect and re-focus on peace.

Our sources of unrest may not be reactions to other people and events, they may be thoughts or situations we keep choosing for ourselves. In each new moment, though, you can make different choices. Meaning that with each new thought you have a new opportunity to choose and move closer to peace.

Sometimes our desire to please others, or protect them, means we don't listen to ourselves, our inner voice that tells us when we are okay and when things are off. I have a friend who is engaged - but doesn't want to be. To avoid disappointing his parents, and hurting his girlfriend, he is reluctant to break it off. Needless to say he lacks peace. In his heart, though, he knows what is right for him. When and if he can eventually be honest with himself, and those around him, about what is right for him, hopefully inner peace will be much closer for him. Although a period of drama and upset, may, indeed, be part of his journey in that case.  

Whatever your situation, work, home, self, it is possible to move and grow and embrace a more peaceful life, a happier, more honest life, closer to our individual bliss.

When fear and guilt coming rushing in and you stand on the edge of a major upset breathe, ground yourself, trust, and re-commit to a peaceful path.

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Desiderata: Old Words, New Meaning

Odd isn't it that words that can be so familar, after a time when we come upon them again, seem suddenly deeply resonant with new meaning? The good old Desiderata hangs on the back of so many toilet doors and in so many hallways that it has almost become wall paper. After speaking with a friend the other day - who surprised herself by bursting into tears as we spoke about an issue close to her heart - I was inspired to look up this classic peace poem and share it with her... and after it's new resonance for me, with you also. Enjoy. 

(By the way, there's a rumour that the Desiderata is not "by Anonymous" and wasn't found in "Old St Paul's Church" but was actually written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s. I'd be interested to know the truth... if any readers know it!)

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons. 

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
 
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
 
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
 
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
 
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
 
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

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Love Is Letting Go Of Fear

The other day a friend sent me a text message. It said "You'd think I would find it easier to love than be fearful". Yet again she was at a cross roads in her life and, tormented by her expectations for herself and of others, was profoundly uncomfortable. Her lack of peacefulness was like a mantle she was wearing; a tight-fitting, restrictive jacket she was straining to be free of. You could see it in her face, hear it in her voice, her words.

It doesn't seem fair, when you want something so desperately, to find yourself so far away from it. Career, love, home comforts. It is easy to become angry, moody, resentful. Easier still to start to doubt yourself: "Will it ever happen?", "Have I done the wrong thing?", "Is there something wrong with me?", "Have I made bad choices?". You can get desperate, start to make rash choices, react, panic.

Stop. Step back. Breathe.

The sun comes up each day, and sets quietly behind the horizon. Most of us have a roof over our heads, a bit of cash coming in, a few people who care about us. There are birds singing in the trees. A big wide sky overhead. Fish in the oceans (for a while longer anyway).

Trust that the choices you have made were the best you could make being who you are and knowing what you did at that time. You may know better now, be better equipped now to make different decisions, but back then... you didn't. Don't beat yourself up.

Similarly, that glorious future you imagine for yourself... is it stealing joy from your now? Are you so consumed by the picture you have created in your head that you can't be grateful for the wonderful present? Sun on your back, steaming hot coffee, compliment from a stranger...

I was given a book many years ago by a friend. It was called "Love Is Letting Go Of Fear" (by Gerald G Jampolsky). It's a thin book, less than 150 pages. The writing is big. It has cartoons. Six years later I still sleep with it by my bed. I can go weeks without referring to it, but I think about it daily.

Fear, expectations (future), guilt (past) - they steal your peacefulness. They unsettle your day, take you away from this moment, right now. And it is so important that in this moment we are doing everything we can to expand and love and be generous with ourselves and others. By doing so we benefit immediately... and the benefits continue to flow to us over time... and whether those secret dreams of ours come true or not we've been feeling good along the way.

Unlike my friend, whose sleep is disturbed, heart is closed, and head is full of harsh stories of failure and doubt.

I love her and wish her peace. I hope she can shake off that prickly coat (and I hope I can keep mine hanging neatly in the cupboard...)

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Poem by Hafiz: What Should We Do About That Moon?

Do you have days where you find yourself anxious for no reason? Life may be good, with no dramas to report, and yet you feel an inner tension? Something is eating at you. Even the fact that something's eating at you eats at you!!! And peace is far away. Well, this little poem was written more than six hundred years ago... just for YOU.

Yes, I am still enjoying the poetry of 14th Century mystic Hafiz, the great Sufi master. My most recent delight is this one.

I hope it also speaks to you.

What Should We Do About That Moon?

A wine bottle fell from a wagon
And broke open in a field.

That night one hundred beetles and all their cousins
Gathered

And did some serious binge drinking.

They even found some seed husks nearby
And began to play them like drums and whirl.
This made God very happy.

Then the "night candle" rose into the sky
And one drunk creature, laying down his instrument,
Said to his friend - for no apparent
Reason,

"What should we do about that moon?"

Seems to Hafiz
Most everyone has laid aside the music

Tackling such profoundly useless
Questions.



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A Few Kind Words

Is it so difficult to offer a kind word from time to time? Are our own selfish aspirations so much more important than the people we interact with that we can guiltlessly cause them pain in pursuit of our own goals? Who are we to disturb the peace of another? Why should we walk away from an interaction unscathed, but leave another mortally wounded behind us? Would it matter that much if you spent an extra few minutes per day taking the time to speak with compassion?

Yes. It would.

It would make an enormous difference to the harmony of the world - and, for your trouble, rather than losing, you would win; you'd be trading a little bit of your time to contribute peace. Peace could be your legacy.

Surely that is a personal aim worth shooting for.

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True Champions For Peace

Not sure why the phrase "champions for peace" popped into my head but, on impulse, I did what every good cyber citizen sitting by a computer does and Googled it... Two results came back that hit home. The first was to a book of that name called "Champions For Peace - Women Winners Of The Noble Peace Prize" by Judith Hicks Stiehm, and the other was a link to a site about the International Solidarity Movement (ISM) and the Israeli / Palestinian conflict.

Suddenly I was in over my head. As I scanned this "peace with realism" page and came to the lengthy references at the page's end I felt tremendous anxiety. Walking side by side with peace is conflict, death, anger, pain, justification and passion on all sides, opposing positions, huge consequences. Wading into the cause of peace brings you brushing right up against it's opposite. Contrast... as it is with so many things. They are the other side of the same coin. Love / fear. Joy / grief. Victory / loss. If one team wins a soccer game, then the other must, by definition, lose (yes, we have World Cup fever here at the moment).

The person who wrote that page about the ISM wrote with passion, conviction, indignation. Tragic deaths were cited, excitable words used, and very specific examples given to illustrate the point. I am so ignorant of the topic I would not even begin to suggest the slightest hint of an opinion about the materials that website contains... rather it is the emotion behind the page that interests me, the incredible tension within the words of that page, the thousands of people who have read it and linked to it to push it so high up the Google rankings...

 ...and the constant challenge each of us have each day to stay on the peaceful side of conflict.

When did you last have a sleepless night? Perhaps it was work stress that was keeping you up, or a disagreement with a friend or partner, anxiety about an exam... a noisy neighbour? It is probably not a stretch to suggest that at some point, as you lay there trying to rest, you felt a spark of anger. "How could she speak to me like that?"; "How dare they turn the music up so loud so late at night?" etc.

It's true, there are "big time" champions for peace out there who are tackling conflict on a large scale, extreme conflict, violence, injustice, big, nation-wide issues... like the Noble Prize winnng women, and others who are vocal about peace... perhaps even, in his way, "Carlos" the author of the anti-ISM page... and that may not be your calling in life BUT...

...what you do and how you react to the issues and conflicts that come up in your life all contribute to a culture and community of peacefulness or conflict. Do you honk your horn at a fellow driver? Or slow down and waive him into the lane ahead of you? If someone yells at you do you yell back or step away and remove yourself from the drama? Do you make choices in your daily life to support and increase your peacefulness and that of others or do you find yourself perpetuating tension? (Gossiping at the water cooler).

You don't have to have your name mentioned in a book to be a true champion for peace and you don't have to let the world "walk all over you either". In fact, you don't even have to succeed at being peace-making!!! It's the constant re-committment to trying again, doing better, striving for a more harmonious outcome that is what it's all about.

Hopefully, as we all get better at being peace champions, instead of giving us bigger tests, the universe will reward us with more peaceful lives and help us to "increase the peace" for others. Or perhaps just being  peaceful - showing that it is possible - will be enough to inspire greater peacefulness in another...

Define:peace - Common Meanings For Peace

How interesting that even such an ideal state as "peace" is defined by its opposite. The commonly given meaning for the word "peace" is "the prevailing state during an absence of war"; "the time between periods of conflict", or "a treaty to end hostilities".

Other web meanings for peace include: "harmonious relations; freedom from disputes" and "the absence of mental stress or anxiety".

Personally, I like "harmonious relations". It seems to be the only positively spun, self-sufficent definition that good old Google has put before the masses. It does not speak of dischord and lack, absence or opposing ways of being. It is a little limited though in that, for me at least, peace is not just about interacting harmoniously with others - it's also about FEELING harmonious.

Perhaps we have not yet adequately defined peace? Given, as my high school English teacher would say, you cannot use a thing to define itself. Meaning, it's not enough to say "peace is feeling peaceful". Ha ha ha!

So what is peace, in this personal sense of the word? Uh oh... perhaps it is "the absence of mental stress or anxiety". Another definition that speaks of lack and opposites! No no no... surely we can do better?

I like some of these definitions from the Macquarie Dictionary*:

Peace is: 

• ease of mind or conscience;
• a state of being tranquil or serene;
• a state conducive, due to, or characterised by tranquillity or calm;
• quiet; stillness; silence.

I'd like to stretch this a bit though... could we live with a definition of peace that is somethng like this?

Peace: A Definition

Peace is a state of love, generosity and expansion in which the mind is still and heart is open.

I think, for today anyway, that's going to be my definition. If you have suggestions though, I'd love to hear your definition of peace.

* Source: The Macquarie Dictionary. © Macquarie University, Published by Macquarie Library Pty Ltd (online edition 2005).

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Beautiful, Perfect, Broken

Often we are so much more tolerant and generous with others than we are with ourselves. Is it possible to reach a point where we are at peace with who we are, warts and all, right here, right now?

I was walking a long a beach two weeks ago - a very quiet beach in a hard to reach place in a national park on the edge of the world. The sand was soft; in the course of the day the sky was every shade of blue from full sunshine to slade, rain-cloud grey; the back drop was stunning. Yes, there were even dolphins swimming in the bay. It was a truly ideallic place.

As I walked along the water's edge a shell caught my eye. It was large, green and beautiful. I held it up and looked at it from every angle. I have seen sea aneome shells before. They are fragile and exquisite and usually quickly smashed into little pieces by the sea. It's not often you see one so large, or in such good condition, and yet, it was not whole.

As I stared at it, taking in the complexity of the pattern on it's skin,the amazing shade of green that had not yet been bleached by the sun, it's white interior, the soft, porcelin like feeling of it, I was struck by how incredibly perfect it was, this natural artwork. Beautiful and perfect... and yet, broken. The sea had been at it. A large piece was missing from one side.

At that moment, it occurred to me that so many people are just like that shell - amazing, beautiful, incredible creations... perfect in their way... and yet, broken or damaged too. Is it possible to be both "perfect" and "broken"? The terms seem contradictory; the English language limited in this context. Yet here, in my hand, was that very object. A perfectly conceived object (the skeleton of a once-living creature); beautiful still, but with a big piece broken off it.

It made me happy.

We spend so much time trying to improve ourselves, face our demons, work through our issues, and so on and so forth ad nauseum... what if we could just accept that we are, right now, in our current state, whatever that may be, both perfect AND, perhaps, not quite as perfect as we'd like? Even broken. But beautiful in essence anyway.

Sit with that for a moment. Beautiful. Perfect. Broken.

What a gift, that feeling of peacefulness when the "striving" falls away and we can take a wide enough view of who we are and where we are up to to clearly see our own beauty. Warts and all.

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Practicing gratitude... a quick "how to"!

If we want to be able to kick a goal or play the guitar well we have to practice but how often do you consciously choose to practice being grateful? Why would you? Of all the things I've read and crazy things I have tried this is the one simple trick I have learned that is not just instantly gratifying but, over time, profoundly life improving!

Maybe you don't feel grateful for very much? Life may have dealt you one too many hard blows. Plenty of people feel pretty knocked around by life, or ground down by the rat race or are simply heart broken or devastated in some other way. That's okay - with this little experiment it's good to start small! Ease yourself in...

This is not a mind game - we're not talking about spinning things so they have a positive twist, mastering your mind and learning to talk like some self-help apostle.

This is not about smoke and mirrors, positive self talk or any of that other stuff - which can all be useful and has its place. This is about tapping into and acknowledging a genuine feeling. Something that is already in you but does't get a lot of air play. A sincere honest "thank you" that you don't have to force or talk yourself into... we're just working at getting into the habit of actually acknowledging the good stuff that unfolds in your life. Even just the tiniest things.

Some easy ways to begin may be: "thank you for giving me that parking space when I was runnng late", "thank you for this glorious sunny day!", "thank you for putting such a sweet old lady next to me on the bus today", "thanks for letting me get inside the house before it started to rain", "thanks for giving me such adorable children", "thanks for letting me be born in this country", "thanks for saving me $1 a kilo for those tomatoes today" etc...

It's takes a little time - a moment of reflection as life unfolds - to get into the swing of practicing gratitude. It requires that as something good happens you take that time to go "Ah! Thank you!". Who (or what) you choose to thank is up to you - maybe God or Allah or the Universe or Mother Mary or Krishna or Isis or the Archangel Michael or... (you get the idea!)...

...but instantly, the moment you stop, observe and acknowledge that particular gift, big or small, something happens in you: you feel grateful... and peace and happiness follow close behind. Magic.

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World peace facebook group discussion: "imperfect humans" thread

I just spent ages responding to questions posed by a guy called Peter Fodor on the Facebook group "world peace" and have decided to share the post (post 71) here. Peter's question was: "how can world peace be achieved on a planet with imperfect humans?"His postings revealled a very detailed knowledge of global human crisis, Government failures, and a pretty fixed view of the hopelessness of the situation. The way he was expressing this view was causing a bit of a ruckus...

I said: "Peter, I think the question you have posed taps into some very big territory. It is wonderful to have a place to explore it.

I enjoyed hearing your conversation with Mark but must admit I was relieved when Ann chipped in and challenged you. We all have choices and though you think of yourself as an optimist your consistent expression has been the opposite, and for a peace forum, I found that disturbing. It is my view that if we wish to experience or create greater peace we focus on peace not its opposite. (That does not mean denying the current reality, where opportunities for positive action definitely exist).

I was also struck by the fact that so much of your "argument" against peace relates to "evidence" provided by the external world. One of my favourite quotes is "there will not be peace on Earth till there is peace in the hearts of every man, woman and child".

To me this says that each of us are responsible for our own peacefulness and contributing to the peacefulness of others... pointing a finger at governments etc is a way of giving our power away (waiting for "someone else" to fix it), and - can I offer this as a question? - possibly shirking our responsibilities? (What are we doing in our day-to-day lives to create a culture of peace (that may eventually create permanent change)? Or to give and share peacefulness with those we meet every day?).

Peace is not an intanguible that exists (or does not exist) "out there". I believe it is something that starts within and can be created and shared with others. Granted, what we are seeing around us right now is the creative expression of many people who are not peaceful. But as WE change, hopefully what we create will also change...?

Continuing to read, it was with relief I came across your reference to Rinpoche. I hope you are continuing to seek out Buddhist texts and information about other peaceful philosophies. I think it is always a good thing to be exposed to new viewpoints and possibilities for seeing things in new ways and that may be a very interesting path - for you and for us all!

...If we have never been exposed to alternative ways of being and given examples of different ways to react or interact how can we expect change to occur around us?

It is for this reason I believe that learning and education is so fundamental, especially in countries where an extreme lack of peacefulness exists. And also why demonstrations of generosity and compassion are so important.

Thank you for starting this conversation, Peter. I wish you (and those who read this) joy and ever greater peacefulness."

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