Laughter To Age Ratio

I came across this curious fact the other day and it struck a chord. There's a girl at work who laughs almost every time she speaks. Quite frequently she laughs so hard she cries... I wonder if she has "the laughter gene", if her family sit around chuckling together at night? She makes the rest of the people in our quiet office (me included!) seem very sedate.

Anyway, here's my curious fact about laughter:

"Six-year-olds laugh an average of 300 times a day. Adults laugh 15 to 100 times a day."

Is the world more entertaining to a six year old? Do they have more time to notice the funny stuff? Is there a chemical change that takes place as we get older that evens out our "laughter-bility"? Or do kids just eat way more sugar than the grown ups and, happy by-product, get more giggles as well?

If you can answer any of my questions I'd love to hear from you!

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Saying Yes To Joy

Is depression a state of mind? A chemical imbalance? A nutritional deficiency? A sign of alcoholism? I am not qualified to say, nor am I game to offer an opinion. Without question, at times people are overwhelmed, feel isolated, disconnected, and are lost in despair. Do they fit some pharmaceutical company definition of "depressed"? Perhaps. Perhaps not. Either way, clearly, their experience of joy is fleeting or not existent. A tragedy of itself. Would medication help? Maybe. Going for a run? Most likely. A hug? Possibly.

I have a friend who is struggling at the moment. (Really - not a fictional friend, but a really truly person with a phone, a job, a car and various family issues). I'm not sure how to support him. We could talk for hours but words are just words, at the end of the day. After speaking with him for quite a long time last night I hung up the phone and felt flat, nearly angry.

I acknowledge that I am lacking the necessary skills to help him - and quite possibly he needs professional assistance. I couldn't help but feel though, after that call, that each time an opportunity presented itself for my friend to choose good feelings, or tell himself a better story, he was consciously, deliberately choosing to see the worst, berate himself, blame others. He's a very smart guy. I know he knows what he is doing. I just don't understand why... when it was all making him feel so bad.

That is why some people need professional help; counsellors and doctors who can stay neutral. I am not neutral. I want him to be happy, feel good, turn his life around... baby step by baby step. Choosing a funny movie instead of a drama, eating a decent meal instead of opting for a liquid dinner, trying on "thank you", instead of "thanks for nothing".

In short, I just fervently wish he would start to say yes to joy. The bad stuff may still be present in his life - siblings and bad bosses don't tend to go away overnight - but focussing on the good things, kindness, sunshine and opportunities - or just starting each day with a corny joke - might help? Perhaps, right now, it is just beyond him.

It's not beyond me though. So I thought I'd share a little something with you. It's something that's giving me joy at the moment. Our family has a new kitten... here he is! (How funny that he matches the bedspread!). We haven't given him a name yet so if you have suggestions please feel free to share them. (Note: toy mouse in background).

What about you? Are there things in your life that create a spark of joy? Things that make you feel good even on a flat day? Are there ways you could be saying yes to joy that perhaps you have overlooked?

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Poem - Touched By An Angel - By Maya Angelou

This is such a lovely poem about love and freedom and the classic type of contradiction that seems to be present whenever we humans try to express those things that remain inexplicable.

Touched By An Angel

We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.

Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.

We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love's light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free.

- Maya Angelou


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Happiness Is Contagious

Next time you are walking down the street, looking for a bit of a distraction, try this little experiment. When you see someone coming towards you give them a smile, not in a freaky way but a "gee, what a nice day it is" kind of way.

People's reactions can be quite entertaining. Some will be confused, others will ignore you, but most, without even thinking about it, will simply give you a sheepish smile back. It's like a happiness echo. Perhaps inspite of themselves, your cheeriness triggers a response.

I suspect that, like peacefulness, happiness may be a teeny tiny bit contagious.

Stuck In A Rut? Do The Opposite

There's a saying that goes something like "do what you've always done and you'll get what you've always got". I've noticed that when people reach a crisis moment in their lives often they do exactly that - but bigger, harder, faster. They are kind of panicking, desperate to create change, shift their circumstances, leap forward... and yet they are doing what they have always done just MORE of it. Logically, then, whatever it is they have had before is still what is going to come their way: just more of it (or bigger, harder, faster versions).

Are you with me?

Now, do you think that approach is going to work? Will that person be able to create that shift in their circumstances? Maybe, maybe not. It may be that what they have always done works pretty well for them, and they just kind of lost momentum. Or it may be that the reason they are panicking is that it HASN'T been working for them.

What if you could take a clear enough view of your usual approach to notice exactly what it is you do: get drunk, get defensive, get busy, get argumentative, enrol in a course, move house, take offense at what your partner says, call your mum, go to the beautician, eat or stop eating, make a risky investment, spring clean, withdraw from the world, exercise fanatically, buy something big and expensive, drive too fast, stay in with a DVD, cry, yell, laugh, whatever.

What if you could then take this information and consciously choose to DO THE OPPOSITE?

Do you think that by doing the opposite you might create a space for change? If the way things have been going, or "what you have been getting", does not satisfy, would the absolute opposite be better?

What if, instead of seeing red, you saw blue? What if instead of getting angry and yelling, you made choices that create greater intimacy with the person you were cross with? What if instead of re-categorising every slip of paper in your filing cabinet you left your house in a mess and went for a "devil may care" walk instead? Wore pink today instead of green?

Whatever your thing is, if you're feeling stuck in a rut, to give change a kick start, try doing something completely different. At the very least it will probably be a fun experiment.



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Define:peace - Common Meanings For Peace

How interesting that even such an ideal state as "peace" is defined by its opposite. The commonly given meaning for the word "peace" is "the prevailing state during an absence of war"; "the time between periods of conflict", or "a treaty to end hostilities".

Other web meanings for peace include: "harmonious relations; freedom from disputes" and "the absence of mental stress or anxiety".

Personally, I like "harmonious relations". It seems to be the only positively spun, self-sufficent definition that good old Google has put before the masses. It does not speak of dischord and lack, absence or opposing ways of being. It is a little limited though in that, for me at least, peace is not just about interacting harmoniously with others - it's also about FEELING harmonious.

Perhaps we have not yet adequately defined peace? Given, as my high school English teacher would say, you cannot use a thing to define itself. Meaning, it's not enough to say "peace is feeling peaceful". Ha ha ha!

So what is peace, in this personal sense of the word? Uh oh... perhaps it is "the absence of mental stress or anxiety". Another definition that speaks of lack and opposites! No no no... surely we can do better?

I like some of these definitions from the Macquarie Dictionary*:

Peace is: 

• ease of mind or conscience;
• a state of being tranquil or serene;
• a state conducive, due to, or characterised by tranquillity or calm;
• quiet; stillness; silence.

I'd like to stretch this a bit though... could we live with a definition of peace that is somethng like this?

Peace: A Definition

Peace is a state of love, generosity and expansion in which the mind is still and heart is open.

I think, for today anyway, that's going to be my definition. If you have suggestions though, I'd love to hear your definition of peace.

* Source: The Macquarie Dictionary. © Macquarie University, Published by Macquarie Library Pty Ltd (online edition 2005).

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Doing It Anyway... with Love

I came across this black-and-white, dark-and-light prose poem today and kind of liked it. Maybe you will too.

"People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind.
Think big anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack if you help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you might get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you've got anyway." - Anonymous

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