A Few Kind Words

Is it so difficult to offer a kind word from time to time? Are our own selfish aspirations so much more important than the people we interact with that we can guiltlessly cause them pain in pursuit of our own goals? Who are we to disturb the peace of another? Why should we walk away from an interaction unscathed, but leave another mortally wounded behind us? Would it matter that much if you spent an extra few minutes per day taking the time to speak with compassion?

Yes. It would.

It would make an enormous difference to the harmony of the world - and, for your trouble, rather than losing, you would win; you'd be trading a little bit of your time to contribute peace. Peace could be your legacy.

Surely that is a personal aim worth shooting for.

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True Champions For Peace

Not sure why the phrase "champions for peace" popped into my head but, on impulse, I did what every good cyber citizen sitting by a computer does and Googled it... Two results came back that hit home. The first was to a book of that name called "Champions For Peace - Women Winners Of The Noble Peace Prize" by Judith Hicks Stiehm, and the other was a link to a site about the International Solidarity Movement (ISM) and the Israeli / Palestinian conflict.

Suddenly I was in over my head. As I scanned this "peace with realism" page and came to the lengthy references at the page's end I felt tremendous anxiety. Walking side by side with peace is conflict, death, anger, pain, justification and passion on all sides, opposing positions, huge consequences. Wading into the cause of peace brings you brushing right up against it's opposite. Contrast... as it is with so many things. They are the other side of the same coin. Love / fear. Joy / grief. Victory / loss. If one team wins a soccer game, then the other must, by definition, lose (yes, we have World Cup fever here at the moment).

The person who wrote that page about the ISM wrote with passion, conviction, indignation. Tragic deaths were cited, excitable words used, and very specific examples given to illustrate the point. I am so ignorant of the topic I would not even begin to suggest the slightest hint of an opinion about the materials that website contains... rather it is the emotion behind the page that interests me, the incredible tension within the words of that page, the thousands of people who have read it and linked to it to push it so high up the Google rankings...

 ...and the constant challenge each of us have each day to stay on the peaceful side of conflict.

When did you last have a sleepless night? Perhaps it was work stress that was keeping you up, or a disagreement with a friend or partner, anxiety about an exam... a noisy neighbour? It is probably not a stretch to suggest that at some point, as you lay there trying to rest, you felt a spark of anger. "How could she speak to me like that?"; "How dare they turn the music up so loud so late at night?" etc.

It's true, there are "big time" champions for peace out there who are tackling conflict on a large scale, extreme conflict, violence, injustice, big, nation-wide issues... like the Noble Prize winnng women, and others who are vocal about peace... perhaps even, in his way, "Carlos" the author of the anti-ISM page... and that may not be your calling in life BUT...

...what you do and how you react to the issues and conflicts that come up in your life all contribute to a culture and community of peacefulness or conflict. Do you honk your horn at a fellow driver? Or slow down and waive him into the lane ahead of you? If someone yells at you do you yell back or step away and remove yourself from the drama? Do you make choices in your daily life to support and increase your peacefulness and that of others or do you find yourself perpetuating tension? (Gossiping at the water cooler).

You don't have to have your name mentioned in a book to be a true champion for peace and you don't have to let the world "walk all over you either". In fact, you don't even have to succeed at being peace-making!!! It's the constant re-committment to trying again, doing better, striving for a more harmonious outcome that is what it's all about.

Hopefully, as we all get better at being peace champions, instead of giving us bigger tests, the universe will reward us with more peaceful lives and help us to "increase the peace" for others. Or perhaps just being  peaceful - showing that it is possible - will be enough to inspire greater peacefulness in another...

Laughter To Age Ratio

I came across this curious fact the other day and it struck a chord. There's a girl at work who laughs almost every time she speaks. Quite frequently she laughs so hard she cries... I wonder if she has "the laughter gene", if her family sit around chuckling together at night? She makes the rest of the people in our quiet office (me included!) seem very sedate.

Anyway, here's my curious fact about laughter:

"Six-year-olds laugh an average of 300 times a day. Adults laugh 15 to 100 times a day."

Is the world more entertaining to a six year old? Do they have more time to notice the funny stuff? Is there a chemical change that takes place as we get older that evens out our "laughter-bility"? Or do kids just eat way more sugar than the grown ups and, happy by-product, get more giggles as well?

If you can answer any of my questions I'd love to hear from you!

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Saying Yes To Joy

Is depression a state of mind? A chemical imbalance? A nutritional deficiency? A sign of alcoholism? I am not qualified to say, nor am I game to offer an opinion. Without question, at times people are overwhelmed, feel isolated, disconnected, and are lost in despair. Do they fit some pharmaceutical company definition of "depressed"? Perhaps. Perhaps not. Either way, clearly, their experience of joy is fleeting or not existent. A tragedy of itself. Would medication help? Maybe. Going for a run? Most likely. A hug? Possibly.

I have a friend who is struggling at the moment. (Really - not a fictional friend, but a really truly person with a phone, a job, a car and various family issues). I'm not sure how to support him. We could talk for hours but words are just words, at the end of the day. After speaking with him for quite a long time last night I hung up the phone and felt flat, nearly angry.

I acknowledge that I am lacking the necessary skills to help him - and quite possibly he needs professional assistance. I couldn't help but feel though, after that call, that each time an opportunity presented itself for my friend to choose good feelings, or tell himself a better story, he was consciously, deliberately choosing to see the worst, berate himself, blame others. He's a very smart guy. I know he knows what he is doing. I just don't understand why... when it was all making him feel so bad.

That is why some people need professional help; counsellors and doctors who can stay neutral. I am not neutral. I want him to be happy, feel good, turn his life around... baby step by baby step. Choosing a funny movie instead of a drama, eating a decent meal instead of opting for a liquid dinner, trying on "thank you", instead of "thanks for nothing".

In short, I just fervently wish he would start to say yes to joy. The bad stuff may still be present in his life - siblings and bad bosses don't tend to go away overnight - but focussing on the good things, kindness, sunshine and opportunities - or just starting each day with a corny joke - might help? Perhaps, right now, it is just beyond him.

It's not beyond me though. So I thought I'd share a little something with you. It's something that's giving me joy at the moment. Our family has a new kitten... here he is! (How funny that he matches the bedspread!). We haven't given him a name yet so if you have suggestions please feel free to share them. (Note: toy mouse in background).

What about you? Are there things in your life that create a spark of joy? Things that make you feel good even on a flat day? Are there ways you could be saying yes to joy that perhaps you have overlooked?

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Poem - Touched By An Angel - By Maya Angelou

This is such a lovely poem about love and freedom and the classic type of contradiction that seems to be present whenever we humans try to express those things that remain inexplicable.

Touched By An Angel

We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.

Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.

We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love's light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free.

- Maya Angelou


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Happiness Is Contagious

Next time you are walking down the street, looking for a bit of a distraction, try this little experiment. When you see someone coming towards you give them a smile, not in a freaky way but a "gee, what a nice day it is" kind of way.

People's reactions can be quite entertaining. Some will be confused, others will ignore you, but most, without even thinking about it, will simply give you a sheepish smile back. It's like a happiness echo. Perhaps inspite of themselves, your cheeriness triggers a response.

I suspect that, like peacefulness, happiness may be a teeny tiny bit contagious.

Stuck In A Rut? Do The Opposite

There's a saying that goes something like "do what you've always done and you'll get what you've always got". I've noticed that when people reach a crisis moment in their lives often they do exactly that - but bigger, harder, faster. They are kind of panicking, desperate to create change, shift their circumstances, leap forward... and yet they are doing what they have always done just MORE of it. Logically, then, whatever it is they have had before is still what is going to come their way: just more of it (or bigger, harder, faster versions).

Are you with me?

Now, do you think that approach is going to work? Will that person be able to create that shift in their circumstances? Maybe, maybe not. It may be that what they have always done works pretty well for them, and they just kind of lost momentum. Or it may be that the reason they are panicking is that it HASN'T been working for them.

What if you could take a clear enough view of your usual approach to notice exactly what it is you do: get drunk, get defensive, get busy, get argumentative, enrol in a course, move house, take offense at what your partner says, call your mum, go to the beautician, eat or stop eating, make a risky investment, spring clean, withdraw from the world, exercise fanatically, buy something big and expensive, drive too fast, stay in with a DVD, cry, yell, laugh, whatever.

What if you could then take this information and consciously choose to DO THE OPPOSITE?

Do you think that by doing the opposite you might create a space for change? If the way things have been going, or "what you have been getting", does not satisfy, would the absolute opposite be better?

What if, instead of seeing red, you saw blue? What if instead of getting angry and yelling, you made choices that create greater intimacy with the person you were cross with? What if instead of re-categorising every slip of paper in your filing cabinet you left your house in a mess and went for a "devil may care" walk instead? Wore pink today instead of green?

Whatever your thing is, if you're feeling stuck in a rut, to give change a kick start, try doing something completely different. At the very least it will probably be a fun experiment.



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